


What Dreams May Come

by evexe-n (manatsuko)



Series: What Dreams May Come [2]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: (will add tags as story goes on), Arguing, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Introspection, Light Angst, Lots of it, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, post-dsod
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 18:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10577433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manatsuko/pseuds/evexe-n
Summary: Seto Kaiba never did things the easy way. Coping with his rival's...disappearanceproved to be no exception.It just figures he would need the dead, of all people, to teach him about living.A story about losing and finding, in the most Seto Kaiba™ way possible.





	1. First Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Me? Writing a multi-chapter fic? Yes, I sure am. Rating might change in the future but we'll see how that goes. 
> 
> So here's the first chapter of that long post-DSOD fic I promised I'd write. It'll be a upload-as-I-write schedule, aka I have no clue when the next chapter will be up... On the bright side, I already have the entire outline written down and planned for the complete 21 (!!!) chapters, some will undoubtedly get longer than this short introductory chapter. So no worries, it _will_ get finished! ~~it just might take some time~~
> 
> Kudos and comments help motivate me though, so let me know your thoughts! ♡

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Ending, A Beginning

 

**(Month 0)**

 

So this was Aaru.

The golden sand seemed to reach endlessly towards the horizon at his back. In the distance, the ground rose around a single city, it's reflection dancing in the sky a testament to the searing heat.

Kaiba felt none of it.

Neither the heat nor the dry, arid air cutting across his skin was half as agonizing as the passage of time.

In a place where time supposedly did not exist, it stretched and twisted endlessly in his mind. He counted the drum of his heartbeat like seconds, as his footsteps became minutes; each rise and fall of the dunes, an hour.

It was too slow.

Every second until he came face to face with _him_ again was one too many.

After all these months, he was so achingly close, each step further diminishing the distance to his goal.

The wind picked up, the glitter of dust twirling around his feet.

His mind was surprisingly blank, like the calm before a storm. His only focus was to keep moving, one foot in front of the other until he was at the city's edge, walking into streets of a time long past. The lack of surprise or suspicion the townspeople showed at his appearance was odd, but not a priority.

He was left undisturbed as he continued his trek towards the palace.

Not even the guards lining the palace's entrance made any indication his presence was unwanted. He kept walking, head held high and back straight. His face tranquil, yet set in determination.

His footsteps resonated unnaturally against the marble floor as he approached the throne room.

Time as he perceived it trickled to a halt. The sunlight glinted off of every surface in the room, bathing it in a surreal glow. For a moment, he heard nothing. Saw nothing. Felt nothing. Nothing existed except light.

Crimson eyes met his own, their gaze piercing and inviting all in one. A smile, aimed at him.

His chest felt painfully constricted.

It didn't matter.

He activated his duel disk.

_Finally._

 

\---

 

The cutting gusts of wind died down.

Kaiba coughed and covered his nose and mouth in an attempt to shield himself from the dust. It swooped and fell in abstract patterns, diffusing the light in a constant dance in front of their eyes.

When the air cleared once more, his lungs greedily sucked in air.

He ground his teeth together.

He'd lost, _again_.

And yet....

He felt the usual frustration that losing caused, as well as anger at himself. He was better than this, he knew. He had grown and improved his skills, he should have been able to defeat _him_ by now.

But his blood was still rushing with excitement. He felt its beat pumping through his veins, the shiver it brought running down his spine.

It had been everything he'd been looking for these past six months. Everything he thought he'd lost when _he_ left.

His attention was brought back to the present by the swooshing sound of his rival's disk shutting off. He straightened up and faced him.

The pharaoh's grin was as blinding as the sun had been before.

"It's been a while, Kaiba!"

Kaiba grimaced. A muscle near the corner of his eye twitched slightly.

"And whose fault is that?"

At least the pharaoh had the decency to look sheepish at the reminder. "I know, I know, I had to leave rather abruptly, there wasn't really much time to- Well, to do anything except move forward."

The frown already present on Kaiba's face turned even more sour. Of all the times this infuriating know-it-all could've-!

"When I said you needed to stop focusing on the past and look towards the future that was _not_ what I meant."

His only response was a slight tilt of the other's lips, a smile barely there.

"You did say something like that, didn't you?"

A shrill whistling sound interrupted them without warning. Kaiba's gaze snapped to his Duel Disk, warnings blinking across its screen. His lack of preparation was taking its toll.

Atem stood off to the side with a worried look on his face. He hadn't noticed before, but the odd black particles that surrounded Kaiba had grown in number. Gesturing at them, he spoke, "Kaiba, those..."

The brunet began fiddling with buttons on his disk, though Atem had no clue what each of them did. It wasn't the standard model, that much was obvious.

"Tch, seems like the system is still having trouble with certain aspects of the program I designed based on the Cube's data." He opened a status report on a screen, quickly browsing through it.

"Are you sure-"

"It's fine, now let me concentrate."

Atem gave up on getting a conclusive answer out of Kaiba and sat down on the stairs, waiting for him to finish. He'd dismissed his guard earlier, thankfully, so he could be as undignified as he wanted to be.

Kaiba's eyes flitted across the glowing screen, focused on whatever data was being shown.

Atem took the time to let the current situation sink in.

Kaiba had managed to travel to Aaru and was standing in front of him. His figure, clad in dark blue and white streaked with cold, artificial light, stood in stark contrast to the warm colors Atem had grown accustomed to in this place. Technology against the backdrop of history.

It was so easy to see he didn't belong here. 

As thrilling as it was to duel with him, Kaiba would inevitably go home, to Mokuba and his company and his daily life. Atem had made sure of that, keeping him out on his previous attempts, keeping him safe. Nonetheless, he was glad to have gotten a last chance to see Kaiba face-to-face, to be honest. It felt....off, somehow, to have left knowing there were people he had no chance to say goodbye to.

When the _particular occurrences that were not-dreams_ had started, Atem barely ever managed to make sense of what was going on. The longer the dreams lasted though, the clearer they became, the more he realized what Kaiba was doing.

When he'd first gotten wind of Kaiba's plans to duel him again, he wasn't sure what he felt. Annoyance? Anger? As if the dreams alone weren't enough, Kaiba wanted to bring him back completely. After all the trouble Atem had gone through to reach this place, he was _not_ about to be forced back for just another duel.

Had Kaiba really thought that restoring the puzzle was all it would take though? It seemed rather disconnected from his plans for the Duel Link system...

Atem clenched his fingers together at the memory. No doubt, there'd been an abject sense of horror that Kaiba had nearly killed himself with that first attempt at transcending dimensions. He'd gotten close to succeeding, _the wrong way_.

But underneath all that... There was an odd sense of happiness. He wasn't forgotten. People remembered him, as he remembered them. For a short while, he had existed in their world, with them. And even Kaiba, of all people, missed him. It would seem Atem had gotten through to him more than he thought.

Kaiba was still scrolling through the information at his fingertips, presumably to solve whatever caused the noise earlier.

Despite the unending black smoke-like substance emanating from him, he looked calm. Slightly irritated, true, but Atem doubted that someone like him could ever look truly serene.

Kaiba let out a barely audible huff at what he found.

He knew he should have conducted more tests beforehand, but he couldn't say he regretted the results of hurrying. Most of the surface issues could be fixed relatively easy anyway.

He decided to ignore the more detailed analytics and corresponding graphs for the time being. Later, the research team could perform their in-depth review. All he needed right now was an idea of how long the necessary updates would take.

"Hmpf, I see", he spoke at last. With these issues- "I guess it'll be approximately three months before I can come here again."

Atem stared at him, confused.

"Wait, what?"

Kaiba rolled his eyes and turned around, heading back towards the exit. "The equipment I used to come here was only a prototype, so naturally there are flaws that need to be worked out. It's the reason I'm not able to stay any longer right now. I'll be better prepared next time, trust me."

 Atem jumped up and followed him.

"That's not what I meant! Hey, wait a second! You can't be planning to-"

Kaiba's disk beeped louder this time. The last thing Atem could see of him before he disappeared was his hand raised in a parting gesture, and his coat billowing in its usual dramatic fashion.

Atem remained standing in the hall, perplexed.

Kaiba couldn't have intended to return here again, right....?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional Notes:  
> 1\. That 'Time as he perceived it trickled to a halt' line is meant to come across as 'His heart skipped a beat', in case you were curious...it's why I sorta synced up descriptions of time with descriptions of his heart.  
> 2\. And yes, that's Atem just staring at Kaiba for the duration of that internal monologue. Pondering over how he looks standing there. And his feelings... I never said I was subtle.


	2. Second Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Debating what counts as 'being dead' is made 500% more difficult when you're arguing with Seto Kaiba.

 

 

**(Month 3)**

 

Kaiba was greeted by a rather exasperated groan when he walked into the throne room nearly three months later.

"Back again, I see."

Atem stood up with his usual fluid grace, dismissing the guards at his side. The armed men bowed before taking their leave, vanishing behind one of the many pillars lining the room. The ever-present sunlight streamed in past them, at exactly the same angle as in Kaiba's memory. Did night ever come in this place? As poetic a connotation as 'eternal light' carried, it would very likely complicate everyday matters. The people of this world must live on a peculiar rhythm indeed, if that was the case. Maybe another time, he'd have time to sightsee and learn the intricacies of Aaru. For now...  

As the tell-tale clank of metal faded out, Kaiba walked up to the same spot he'd been in last time, looking both smug and defiant as he faced the other. "I did say it would take me a while to return."

At least his revised calculations had made sure he arrived closer to the palace. There was no use wasting time trekking across the desert each time he visited. Until he could get a more acceptable performance out of his technology, every second mattered.

The emotion on Atem's face as he descended the stairs was difficult to read. A frown barely visible thanks to the heavy crown that rested on his head, paired with clenched fists at his side. Coming to a halt, standing unmoving.

 _Set in stone_ , the phrase went through Kaiba's mind, _statuesque_.

One thing was for sure, Atem wasn't pleased.

"You shouldn't have returned at all."

Well then. What was _that_ supposed to mean? Anger, squashing down the nagging doubt. He crossed his arms, tilting his chin haughtily. "Afraid you'll lose this time?"

"Kaiba-"

He didn't want to hear it. So many people had already told him that his actions had been foolish, a waste of money, unsafe. He'd heard the accusations and the arguments a thousand times over. He had proven them all wrong in the end; he'd done the impossible. He finally found a way to see his rival again.  

And now that very rival he went these lengths for sounded like he was about to turn him away.

Kaiba wouldn't stand for it.

He thought he'd be alright after he learned of Atem's departure, he really did. But the longer he insisted on not thinking about it, moving on with his life, the more it came back to haunt him.

The anger, the denial, they'd come later. They meant realization, looking at the situation he had found himself in and admitting he had _cared_. There came the new Duel System, the AI, nights of developing and coding, finding mistakes and fixing them. Nights on the space station that weren't nights at all, but the closest thing he'd find to solitude in waking hours, to clearing his mind.

For a while, he truly thought he'd go insane. That he'd be unable to stop himself even though he saw it happening, both too familiar and entirely unknown. He poured more of his time into the AI, straightening out any cracks that would break the facade, ensuring his memory didn't blur. Tinkering at his machines like some people painted art, like others orchestrated song. Poetry in motion, beauty in code.

Therapeutic.

But not enough.

He would not be turned away at this junction, he would not let this chance he’d torn from fate’s unforgiving grasp slip through his fingers. Atem would talk to him, and it'd be enough. Assurance he wasn't gone, that he was within reach.

That Kaiba hadn't lost yet, not truly.

And their words had always rang clearest during battle.

"Quit the small talk and let's duel already", Kaiba sneered, a taunt purposefully placed in his voice. He threw a spare Duel Disk he'd brought along at Atem, forcing the other to either catch it or duck out of its trajectory.

He caught it.

A morose sigh escaped Atem's lips, yet he put the Disk on without hesitation, screens flickering to life to match the glint in his eyes. Excitement, fury, Kaiba didn't care what it spoke of. _It was real_.

A battle of wits, a dance with well-worn steps. Defend. Attack. As one monster replaced another, spells led to counter-traps, he felt _alive_.

Atem's play today was vexing. He refused to budge an inch, never sacrificing more than he could take away from Kaiba at the same time. No matter how often Kaiba chipped away at his Life Points, Atem remained steadfast, playing card after card, a furious offence.

His own rage too, lit up higher and higher even as his Life Points trickling down to nil. How dare Atem turn him away, how dare he belittle his efforts, _how dare he_ -

A shrill sound marking the end of another match lost, another match that ended with Kaiba on his knees after being thrown off balance.

By lack of any other outlet, he hit the ground, channeling all his pent up frustration in hopes of ridding himself of it. He needed a clear head to deal with Atem on a good day; right now, being blinded by emotion would do him no favors.

"Can't imagine that's good for your hand", Atem's voice cut from across the room, previous disdain apparently forgotten. Kaiba was unsure if there was honest worry lacing the other's tone, or if it was his own wishful thinking.

"You're about the last person who gets a say in what's good for me", he growled back. Besides, he barely felt the effects of that punch, the throbbing along his knuckles dulled by lingering adrenaline.

Atem wasn't convinced.

"Well, continuing coming here sure isn't what's best for you either."

Kaiba saw red.

"It _sure as hell_ wasn't running away from our rematch either."

Gritted teeth, raised shoulders, crossed arms, feet firmly planted on the ground. Everything about Atem right now screamed of a defensive stance. "I didn't run away from anything, I _passed on_. This is a realm of the dead. You don't belong here!"

"What, and you do?" His voice sounded poisonous, toxic to even his own ears.

"Seeing how I've been dead for the past three thousand years, Kaiba, I'd say I do, yes. Whether you're willing to acknowledge that or not."

It wasn't a matter of acknowledging it, Kaiba thought. It was a matter of scientific proof. Dead men don't talk, don't fight, don't rise up to his challenges with stars in their eyes and flames on their tongue. Dead men couldn't hurt him the way Atem did.

He sucked in as much air as he could, counting backwards, breathing out slowly. Calming himself down.

Changing tactics.

Atem wouldn't listen to him in this state, no matter how reasonable his arguments may be. Moreover, Kaiba still wasn't able to find the right words to articulate his thoughts, no matter how long he had mulled over them these past months. Running simulations in his mind, all of it had come out hollow and missing the point. He wasn't sure he had even found the point yet, himself.

But he needed Atem to understand his side of things, to see from a different perspective. Cards probably wouldn't help him here, but bridging that distance any other way seemed impossible. It was _them._ The duels and the rivalry was the only way they knew how to communicate. Yet, these concepts, these ideas and _feelings_ , felt too large to leave up for interpretation - too important to allow for misunderstanding.

He allowed silence to fall, moving to sit with his legs crossed, and looked at the pharaoh. Awaiting the next move, as it were.

Atem didn't know what to make of it. Kaiba had always switched between a blazing inferno of spite and cold, calculated fury without trouble, but this wasn't that. He'd never known Kaiba to go so quiet and look... anticipating, almost. Less animosity and more uncertainty. How could this be the same man that was ready to break his hand on marble mere moments before?

Kaiba had to understand that his very presence here was unnatural. The only reason he was able to stand before him right now, was because of his sheer stubbornness. Had it been anyone but Kaiba, they wouldn't be in this situation.

How could you make someone like that change his mind? How could Atem show him that Kaiba's place was not here, on the floor against a backdrop of imposing halls, surrounded by decorations of hymns and spells and stories in a language long forgotten? He didn't fit amongst the gold and marble of the palace, nor the desert sands, nor the stretching fields along the river. Kaiba's place had always been amongst computers and holograms, moving to the beat of humming screens and running programs. A world Atem had never understood, Kaiba had at his beck and call.

He shouldn't be leaving all that behind, no matter how short his visits to Aaru were. It would add up, eat away at Kaiba's remaining time, minute after minute, hour after hour. How could he _live_ to the fullest if he wasted that time here?

Atem heard himself ask, "How long are you staying?"

Kaiba's eyes narrowed. Suspicion, possibly confusion at the change in topic.

Awkwardly, Atem cleared his throat. He had never felt this inexperienced and dumb while talking to another human being, and that included that one 'date' with Anzu. The chance of screwing up and saying the wrong thing was way higher with Kaiba than it was with her. Ideally, Kaiba would _not_ hate him at the end of all this.

"I improved the system," The other spoke up at last, "So I should have a another hour before I need to return." He had moved to cradle his chin in the palm of his hand, elbow leaning on his knee. It did nothing to hide his smirk. "Why? Want a rematch already?"

Atem ignored the obvious provocation.

"No, it's because you still look like you're slowly falling apart."

The ever-present black particles that followed in Kaiba's wake had started increasing again, and though Kaiba had assured him before that they were harmless, the impression they gave was nothing short of ominous.

Kaiba inhaled sharply.

"It's an unfortunate side-effect, though it doesn't trigger any pain. If anything, it feels somewhat like pins and needles."

"Uhm..." That didn't sound very comforting. " _Like pins and needles_ sounds painful to me, how does that not bother you?"

Kaiba's brow furrowed. He was definitely confused now. "....'Pins and needles', meaning, the tingling sensation you get after your leg or hand gets numb. I don't know what you classify as 'pain', but I doubt that counts."

"Oh, is that what you call that feeling?"

A shake of the head. "Sometimes I forget how weird you are."

Despite how silly Atem felt at his less than stellar response, it appeared to have lessened the previous tension. He approached the other man until, about a meter away, he lowered himself to the floor as well, putting them on even ground once more. Maybe another conversation topic would help things along? But what could they talk about, preferably amicably?

A safer topic...

Atem figured he might as well pick something he genuinely wanted to hear the reply to.

"Are Yugi and the others doing alright?" _There goes nothing_.

Kaiba wished he could claim to be surprised at the question, but it was a miracle it hadn't come up any sooner, to be honest. "Figures the first thing you ask about is them."

Atem wanted to respond to that, but Kaiba cut him off with a click of his tongue. "How would I know? They seemed as energetic as always after the whole debacle with Diva, in any case." And wasn't that a can of worms he did _not_ want to open right now. He hastily added, "I don't think Yugi's doing anything aside from helping in the game shop as usual, for now. There was talk of Mazaki leaving for New York, though." Or at least, that was one of the recurring topics Kaiba had managed to overhear. It wasn't like they actually spoke to him, after all.

Atem was pleased by the information. "Ah, so she's following her dreams. That's good to hear." The smile he wore spoke of both pride and melancholia, and Kaiba wondered how one simple expression could tell so much. He really didn't get Atem's problem here. If he missed his friends so much, he could ask Kaiba to carry messages, as much as it would annoy him to do so. He hadn't actually told Yugi and his rag-tag group of supporters about his visits to Aaru - _Why would he?_ \- but if Atem wanted them to know, Kaiba would consider it.

Yet Atem didn't ask any of that, instead expecting Kaiba to magically know what Atem's friends were up to. He may not dislike them quite as much as he used to, but they were still far from getting along. Kaiba couldn't imagine any of them would voluntarily speak to him, without any underlying incentive. He didn't care.

It was obvious where Atem's focus was, too, by the sheer fact he would ask about his friends' whereabouts in the same breath he told Kaiba to leave. Trying to make conversation or not, he wouldn't allow diversions. Yugi and his entourage weren't here, and Kaiba and Atem were. Those were facts, those were the things that mattered.

"So," He dragged the word out, let his displeasure seep through, "Is life here turning out to be what you imagined?"

An incredulous glare, brows furrowing. Good.

"It's not as if I ever imagined what it'd be like for me after I moved on, Kaiba. There was never any time for considering that." The pharaoh breathed in slowly, staring at some distant point behind Kaiba's shoulders as he weighed his words. His tone softened. "I like it though, it's peaceful here."

Eyes snapped back to Kaiba's own. "Well, at least it is when we don't have unexpected visitors."

"If you didn't want me here," Kaiba pointed out, "You should've had your guards kick me out before I set foot in the throne room."

Atem rolled his eyes. "Can't say I wasn't happy to see a familiar face at first, but I didn't exactly expect this to become a regular thing."

"Too bad then. It's happening."

"I really think it's not healthy-"

"And I really think you don't get to decide that for me!" Kaiba hadn't noticed their voices gradually rising again until his exclamation echoed throughout the room.  

Atem was quick to shout back, attempts at _being nice_ forgotten, "You don't understand, Kaiba! There is no future here, this place is forever unchanging. Someone like you-"

"And what exactly is _'someone like me'_?"

"A living person!" It was obvious, wasn't it? The reason Atem belonged here and Kaiba did not. Why was Kaiba so set on ignoring reason? "Someone with a future! Not to mention the people waiting on you back in your world."

"Mokuba? He understands why I'm doing this. He may not approve, but-"

"He _understands_? Do you yourself even understand why you're here?"

"Because you didn't bother giving me the chance of a rematch," Kaiba spat out, "Even after-" _Even after you promised we'd meet again, whether you uttered the words or not. Instead, you remembered yourself and forgot about me._

Things Kaiba couldn't, wouldn't tell him. Not now. Maybe not ever. "Because," he tried again, "There wouldn't be a scrap of my dignity left if I don't manage to defeat you after all this!"

"I don't know if you're aware, Kaiba, but I didn't ask you to go to these ridiculous lengths just for a duel." It wasn't about Duel Monsters any more, he was sure they both realized. But losing was losing, no matter what form it took.

" _'Ridiculous lengths'_? Don't mock my accomplishments! The technology I created is revolutionary, and serves a wider purpose that just dueling _you_ , Yugi."

"My name isn't-!"

"Yugi, whatever, _Atem_ , it still doesn't change a thing"

Atem buried his face in his hands. Nobody had ever made him want to scream in sheer frustration like this man, this infuriating, pig-headed genius who was simultaneously the dumbest creature Atem had ever met. "By the gods, you had your rematch with me and you lost. What will it take for you to stay put in the world of the living?!"

"Would you stop calling it that?"

What determined that place as 'the world of the living' and this one 'the world of the dead'? People lived here, they walked and talked and experienced happiness and sorrow and _they were real_. They weren't the result of artificial code, nor an illusion; they were living, breathing souls. Atem of all people should know that.

"You're right before me, as real as I am! This is merely another dimension of 'reality', not some religious farce of an afterlife-"

"Another dimension, the afterlife, the fact remains that I _died_ in your 'dimension' and came here as a result. I'm _dead_ , Kaiba!"

Who did Atem think he was trying to convince here? One didn't negate the other. "'Dying' in that world doesn't instantly equal 'being dead' here, _Atem_. You seem pretty lively to me."

The pharaoh's expression fell.

Whatever other nonsense Atem wanted to spout at him, Kaiba had had enough for one day. He stood up. "I need to get back, there's work to be done."

Surprisingly, Atem made no move to follow, instead remaining on the floor. "Busy as always, huh?" It only sounded half like mockery. The other half... Kaiba couldn't tell.

"Not all of us can afford to lounge around on their throne all day, believe it or not."

He walked away.

"The  dimensional travel programs still experience occasional hiccups, they'll need to be updated again after I get back. I'll return in another three months or so, most likely."

Another sigh trailed after him.  

"Kaiba-"

"Until next time, _Atem._ "

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song rec to go with the chapter (because this is a thing I do now apparently): [ [Fleurie - Hurts Like Hell] ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUlX8ltm_JU)
> 
> ALSO: I ACTUALLY FIXED MY ASK BOX ON TUMBLR NOW GEEZ. So feel free to drop by~


	3. Third Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't win every battle, but that's ok.

 

 

**(Month 6)**

 

Atem had considered his options, extensively.

There'd been plenty of time to do so, running through best and worst case scenarios in his mind, over and over. What he could say, what he shouldn't. What purpose his words would need to serve was clear: convince Kaiba to carry on with his life without wasting any of it on visiting a place he'd arrive at sooner or later either way. Hopefully later. The issue was how to achieve this.

He hadn't thought Kaiba would need convincing at all, to be honest. Even with his extravagant plans, his single-minded determination to reach this place, Atem hadn't expected him to turn it into something recurring. There hadn't been anything to indicate this course of events in his waking dreams, his fading in and out between realities. He had seen Kaiba's obsession reach its peak, had seen it tempered once he'd found a viable path, its focus redirected to a goal that could be reached. He'd come to understand the other's need for closure, even.

In hindsight, he should have spared more than a passing thought to the CEO's reaction, but Kaiba had been so distant, aloof almost, in his attitude towards Atem and his friends before. How was Atem to know he cared, enough to turn over every fallen stone where the Gates had collapsed? Who could have predicted that what Atem had assumed to be nothing more than hard-earned respect, perhaps some level of camaraderie, would lead to the sheer desperation that had taken hold of Kaiba?

If only there had been more time. Time to think, to come to a decision, to prepare. Maybe he could have done things differently.

But there was no use in second-guessing himself at this juncture.

He had decided, and accepted the consequences. He'd even been willing to help Kaiba in his quest to traverse dimensions, so that he may find closure in whatever way he could. That was what this had to be; closure. Not some getaway trip Kaiba could take whenever he pleased.

Atem wouldn't allow Kaiba to take control over their next meeting. This time, it'd be on his own terms, and they would _talk_.

Thus, the next time a messenger arrived, bearing news of Kaiba's imminent arrival at the palace, Atem steeled himself and ordered a servant to redirect their visitor to the garden, rather than the throne room, and to keep everyone away for the time being. Whatever turn their conversation would end up taking, the privacy couldn't hurt. He made his way there, idly wondering if it had, in fact, been another three months in the other world. It felt shorter.

He found a spot of shade underneath a _nehet_ tree and lowered himself to the ground. He traced the earth along the roots with his fingers, took comfort in feeling the bark press against his back, and waited.

It wasn't long before he was greeted with the sound of familiar footsteps approaching, accompanied by the barely-there hum of static in the air.

"So, decided on a change of scenery?"

Kaiba's silhouette was obscured by the glaring sun at his back, leaving Atem no choice but to squint up at him. Thankfully, he got the hint and moved around to stand on the pharaoh's other side. He probably grumbled about it internally while doing so, Atem imagined.

"No matter how magnificent my halls are to look upon, it gets rather tedious after a while."

"You look different."

Atem raised an eyebrow at the odd non-sequitur, amused. "Do I?"

Admittedly, Kaiba had only ever seen him in his throne room, in full regalia. It wasn't his fault the other's previous visits had interrupted work. Afterlife or not, there were duties to be fulfilled. Just not today. There hadn't been any business to conduct, nor any visiting delegates or political meetings, so there had been no need for show. He'd foregone most of his customary jewelry, leaving his crown in his rooms and opting for the bare minimum of gold wristlets and a few necklaces.

Kaiba nodded. "More casual. If I didn't know better, I'd say you weren't taking my challenges seriously."

Atem took a deep breath. The moment of truth.

"I'm not going to duel you, Kaiba."

One would think Atem had gotten used to the way Kaiba's silences spoke for him, how they filled any space and turned it to ice, as effortless as breathing. He hadn't. The discomfort his statement had brought was almost an entity of its own, lying in wait for the storm to come.

"Explain." Curt. _Cold_.

That wasn't going to stop him. "Only if you allow me to finish talking, for once."

" _Fine_ ", Kaiba snapped at him. There was no mistaking the tension, the nervousness that had taken hold of the other's body once more. For a second, Atem rued the loss of Kaiba's earlier state. He'd been relaxed, almost. A rare sight. Not his to keep, right now.

He took a deep breath.

"As I said before, I believed your visit to be a one-time deal. I was alright with that, I was happy to welcome you even. However, I also firmly believe that your decision to make it a regular occurrence is, simply said, stupid."

Every word felt too rushed, a rambling stream of thought that escaped all at once despite repeated practice. He just wanted to get it over with.

"It's not doing you any favors, if the continued presence of those black things are any indication, nor can it be good for business. Be it a country or a company, running things takes a huge amount of work, and how did that saying go again? Time is money? From whatever angle you choose to look at it, there's no advantages to these visits aside from the chance that maybe, one day, you manage to defeat me."

He wanted to point out the obvious once more, but Kaiba probably wouldn't remain quiet much longer if Atem risked bringing up Mokuba in his list of objections. That much was clear enough.

"In the end, I can't completely stop you from coming here, not without the risk of harming you, and that's not my intention. Dueling me appears to be your main reason for coming here. So from now on, I won't. It's as simple as that. You need to _live_ , Kaiba, and spending your time among the dead isn't exactly the way to accomplish that."

He needed to look up, to face Kaiba's reaction. He was prolonging the inevitable, telling himself it was purely because the other was so damn unpredictable.

"Get up."

"Kaib-"

"I'm not having this argument while looking down at the ground, so _get up_."

Atem obliged, standing up and planting his feet firmly apart. Grounding himself as if preparing for the onslaught of vitriolic remarks that was sure to come. Kaiba looked furious.

"There's only so much insult I'm willing to take from you, _pharaoh_. This is the last time I'm asking. What gives you the right to decide what's best for me?"

It took a lot of effort for Atem not to groan. He was prepared for this, he _was_. He'd ran over every course of action and its consequences in his mind a dozen times over.

"I'm not deciding anything, it's-"

"It's you, imposing your views on my actions, while last time I checked, mind-reading was not a skill you possessed." Kaiba crossed his arms. "Or is that now part of this magical mumbo-jumbo that I wasn't told about too?"

"Is there any point to your attempts at provoking me into a fight? Please, enlighten me."

Kaiba's gaze bore into his own, neither willing to be the first to back down. From the edge of his vision, Atem took note of every minuscule twitch of the other's fingers, the slightest shift in his posture. It was nerve-wracking, to be so overly aware of one another. He saw Kaiba's lips move before he fully registered the words he was saying. 

"Weren't you and your lot the ones who insisted on becoming _friends_ with me? Without regard for my opinion on the matter, may I add."

He frowned. "Yes, although I wouldn't phrase it quite that antagonistically if I were you."

His quip went ignored.

"You remember then," Kaiba went on, "That the entire time you lot tried convincing me that your idea of friendship would do me some good, I was very clear in my opinion that I had no need, nor want, for it."

Atem hoped this speech would start making sense soon, because so far, it was hard to see any connection to his own words earlier.

"Weren't you going to make a point? It's taking rather long, Kaiba."

As his fists clenched, Kaiba meticulously unwound his arms, breaking his defensive stance. His glare ran as hot as the sun's searing heat bearing down on Atem's back. It felt impossible to escape scrutiny.

"Back then, you seemed to believe that if I didn't adhere to your views of friendship, I was the one in the wrong. That didn't change until Battle City happened, and you managed to acquire a basic understanding of the way my respect is earned, or so I thought. I'm starting to reconsider whether you ever really grasped anything I said, because I wouldn't be having this conversation if you did."

Kaiba's tone had remained steady the entire time he'd spoken, but somehow, slowly, it lost its sting. Sure, he still sounded angry and annoyed, yet... also rueful? Atem couldn't place the emotion. He hadn't accounted for this scenario. He hadn't thought that among all the reasons Kaiba could bring up to justify his continued visits, events that early into their acquaintance would play a role.

Kaiba's voice didn't quite break on the start of the next sentence, but it might as well have for how raw, how open it sounded.

"The point here is, that just when I, in return, started thinking that maybe, _just maybe_ , there was some merit to your line of thinking, you show me how hypocritical you can be by up and vanishing without a word of warning. Apparently, if I'm not on the same level as Yugi and his merry gang of followers, I don't get shown the basic respect of being informed of your departure."

"I didn't tell them I was leaving either, they just showed up on their own!" Atem protested. "I would have been fine with just Yugi seeing me off, at the time. Don't make it out to be all my fault, as if I specifically singled you out with the sole purpose of provoking you."

"You could've fooled me."

Atem was starting to lose his patience. "Do not think I made those decisions lightly, just because you went and decided one day that you needed to visit the actual afterlife for whatever convoluted reason you-"

"Do you have any idea," Kaiba cut Atem's rant short, "How much money, how much research went into this?" Atem had never before been so acutely aware of the way Kaiba towered over him, threatening in a purely physical, primal sense. Kaiba didn't look the type to bodily strike out in anger, but at that moment, for just a split second, Atem doubted his judgment.

Then the moment passed, and no retribution came aside from more spewed words. "I'm not here because of some whimsical fancy," Kaiba continued, "I'm here because I put in hundreds upon hundreds of hours of work. So don't you dare tell me I came here without thinking things through, because thinking about this place and how to reach it has taken up the larger part of my time for over a year!"

"I never asked you to!" Atem shouted back, "I never asked for any of this!"

"Then what _did_ you ask for?"

Atem found himself taken aback. "What?"

"What. Did. You. Want? To be dead, gone for good? I didn't take you for the suicidal sort."

He didn't understand the argument Kaiba was trying to make here. "I'm not, but I was supposed to pass on! My role was done, and if I didn't, my soul would've been trapped-"

"I'm not asking about what you think was _supposed_ to happen, I'm asking about what you wanted to happen. You can't tell me that dying is something you wished for, be it the first or the second time around."

"What does it matter what I wanted? It wouldn't change the outcome either way."

"This isn't about changing anything, it's about you not even admitting that your actions might have gone against your own wishes."

There was nothing to admit, as far as Atem was concerned. "I didn't wish anything for myself in the first place. If anything, I wished for my people to be safe, I wished for everyone to have a future, even if it cost me my own."

"You were _sixteen_ ," Kaiba ground out, "Hardly qualified to decide that your future mattered less than theirs."

Fury boiled to the surface, crawling its way under Atem's skin and seeping into his bones. _Who did Kaiba think he was?_ "I am Pharaoh," Atem enunciated, eyes narrowing, "Age does not determine my ability to rule. You dare question my birthright?"

Kaiba appeared closer than he had been before, though Atem couldn't remember either of them moving. "I became CEO when I was fifteen, if you recall. I didn't question your leadership skills, I questioned your self-preservation skills."

"That's rich, coming from you."

"I didn't try to kill myself."

"You nearly succeeded anyway."

"But I didn't."

"The result doesn't matter when you nearly die in the process!"

"How about you apply those words to yourself as well?"

"Oh for the love of-" How could one person be _this_ aggravating? "You need to let this, to let me, go!"

"Again, give me one good reason to do so."

"Because I'm dead!"

How was that not an adequate logical explanation? No matter. If Kaiba was so gung-ho on proof, he would have it.

"Give me your hand", Atem said, holding out his own.

At last, Kaiba was lost for words. Time trickled by slowly, yet he made no move to either comply or depart altogether. Atem didn't care for his indecisiveness. He took a step forward, and another when Kaiba flinched back, and grabbed the other's hand. Before he could doubt himself, he turned it over until Kaiba's palm faced outwards, to Atem himself, and pulled it against his chest. Where his heartbeat should have been. Where it _had been_ , once.

He would have preferred going another few eternities without noticing the warmth that radiated off of the other's body, without knowing the ridges of his knuckles and the flex of muscle working underneath the skin pressed against his. The faint pulse of a heart that wasn't Yugi's, and definitely not his own. He swallowed. He didn't need this. He didn't want to think about it.

But there was no way around it right now. If this was what it took to convince Kaiba...  

"You needed proof, right? Here you have it," he chuckled weakly, "Definitely dead."

Atem lifted his face up in a swift movement, the action itself more sure than he felt. The expression he was met with on Kaiba's end was peculiar. The CEO was without doubt used to putting on masks, whether it involved acting pleasant for business partners or pretending to be void of emotion entirely. But this was different. It wasn't an absence of emotion playing along his features, rather, there were too many at once. They flitted and flashed past his eyes, too quick for Atem to recognize. Lost in thought as he was, Kaiba himself hadn't noticed his slip-up.

Fingers shifted and curled ever so slightly into the fabric of his tunic, pressing closer. Atem wasn't sure if the gesture was meant to push him away or draw him in. Kaiba's composure had returned, his mouth set in a thin line as he kept his gaze fixed on their hands, his focus on the lack of anything there should have been. A lack of breath, a lack rushing blood and a pounding heart. A lack of life.

"Maybe you were right, partially," Kaiba spoke, so softly Atem thought he imagined it at first. "Maybe you're not _alive_ right now. But you exist. Your existence isn't defined by a heartbeat." His fingers drew together, flattening out completely against white cotton until its thread measured the distance between the two of them. So warm, like burning. "Weren't you the one going on about the importance of the soul? If it's the soul that defines a person, then... You have your soul, so you exist. If not on Earth, you do in Aaru."

Atem's voice was hoarse, foreign to his own ears as he asked, "And since when do you believe in souls, Kaiba?"

"Since I can see the proof of them in front of me." He sounded so sure of himself. It made Atem want to laugh. For a man of science, Kaiba was placing a disproportionate amount of faith into his own - subjective - perception of reality.

"How do you know this is real?"

"I don't."

Atem didn't know what to say to that. Being confronted with this side of Kaiba, some obscure part that wanted to _believe_ more strongly than he wanted to doubt everything, wasn't something he had considered a possible outcome. He had caught glimpses of those rare displays of faith before, but he never expected to be on the receiving end of it.

"I'll ask again," Kaiba spoke up, "What did you want, a year ago, when you decided to leave?"

With a final lingering touch, Atem let Kaiba's hand fall away, following its descent back to Kaiba's side with his eyes.

Too close.

He wanted to step back and put some distance between them, but found himself unable to. His pride wouldn't let him back down, even now. Instead, he forced himself to truly think about the other's question, and what to reply. Kaiba probably deserved more than another dismissive, vague statement by now. But what was it that he truly wanted, back then?

"I wanted my past back," was the obvious thing to say, but aside from that... "I wanted Yugi to be his own person, as much as I wanted to be myself again, because he deserves that freedom. I wanted-" His head hurt. He ached, though he didn't know why. "I wanted rest," he said eventually, "And time, to think quietly for once. I never had any time. I wanted that."  

Kaiba hummed. Simple confirmation that Atem had been heard. No mockery, no judgment. "Plenty of that here, I'd say."

Atem's lips pressed together in a rather strained smile. "You have no idea."

This was bad. He hadn't planned on making himself this vulnerable. He angled his body away from the other, leaning back against the tree behind him. There was another thing Atem was curious about, though he didn't expect to receive a honest reply. But he was willing to take his chances.

"Now, fair's fair, Kaiba. What do you want? What did you hope to accomplish by returning here?"

"Seeing you", Kaiba stated plainly, like he was answering an inquiry about the weather.

Atem frowned. "That's all?"

"Dueling may have been part of my plan as well."

"I don't believe it's that simple."

"Believe what you want."

"Okay, then tell me something. If you only care about the future, where does all of this come in?" He threw his hands out, gesturing in a wide arc at their surroundings. "I was part of your past the moment I left, and yet, you don't seem very keen on letting me go."

Kaiba tilted his head, glancing off to a few branches on his other side. Either he developed a sudden interest in the bird sitting there, or he was avoiding Atem's gaze. "There's still road left to travel. As far as I'm concerned, you're part of my future, as much as my past."

As nice as the sentiment was, Atem couldn't help but scoff. "How? I'm a dead man, that won't change just because you want it to."

"I'm getting sick of repeating myself. You're here, aren't you? That's enough. I'm doing most of the work to make these visits possible anyway."

"There are a few dozen reasons why this is a bad idea, I hope you realize that."

"Why should I care?" Kaiba shrugged. "I have at least one good reason why it isn't, that's all I need."

He should insist more, kick Kaiba out by force if it came to that. Both of those were viable courses of action. But having Kaiba here was... _Fun_. The other man might be foolhardy to a fault and vexing beyond reason, but there was a thrill in their interactions that Atem was loathe to give up on. For Kaiba's own good, he should keep him away. But Gods help him, Atem wanted to be selfish. Silly as it sounded, he didn't want Kaiba to forget about him.

"You changed." It didn't quite sum up everything Atem should have said, but it was the best he could manage.

"You didn't," Kaiba smirked, and although it looked smug, his voice didn't fit the sentiment. "Still the same as ever."

Atem shook his head. "Last time you saw me, I wasn't me. No memories."

"You were you. You're still you."

"I wonder about that." It wasn't a lie. He'd spent more than his fair share of his time before Kaiba barged into Aaru thinking about these things. How much of him was the product of his memories, how much of him was Yugi's influence, how much of him was really _him_? In the end, he would probably never reach a conclusive answer. Another topic he chose to ignore, among the many.

"How about you, _Kaiba_? If not for your past, would you be the same person you are now?"

It was Kaiba's turn to scoff now. "If you must know, yes, I used to have another name, and yes, shitty adults had an impact on my life growing up. No use denying that. Without it, I wouldn't have had the drive to get where I am right now. But as often as it drove me forward, it held me back twice as much."

"It's not always like that. My past didn't hold me back, it set me free."

"Did it?" Kaiba asked. "Most of your 'moving forward' consisted of retracing your steps, at least in the time I knew you. What decisions did you make that weren't influenced by your past?"

"I can ask you the same," Atem objected, "What important choices of yours weren't because of your past?"   

Annoyance crept back into the other's tone. "Fine then, I'll rephrase. What actions of yours were future-oriented? Because whether my choices were influenced by the past or not, they were aimed towards creating a better future. For Mokuba, for myself-"

Atem grinned. "For the world?"

"Nice try, but I'm not falling for that one."

"You're not as selfish as you believe yourself to be, really." Which made Atem's own newfound desire to allow Kaiba his visits all the more ironic.

"I do what I can to take care of Mokuba, that's all there is to it." _Even if it sometimes ended up blowing up in my face_ , went unsaid, but Atem could infer it. It was written in the lines of Kaiba's frown and the clenching of his hands. "Can we finish up this conversation already?"

Atem sighed. The wind had picked up, he noticed, rustling the leaves overhead and blowing the fallen ones away. He felt drained of energy, but decided it wasn't necessarily a bad thing; in its absence, he felt calm again. "You're not giving up on this anytime soon, are you?"

"No," Kaiba replied, "I'm not."

"We'll see," He rolled his shoulders, stretched until the joints popped. Time to head inside. They had been standing here for too long already. He gestured for Kaiba to follow as he stepped forward. "I'll convince you one day."

"I highly doubt that." Now _that_ sounded more like the Kaiba that Atem was familiar with.

"You know," he realized, "I think this is the most we've ever talked in one go."

Kaiba snorted. "You call this 'talking'?"

"What else would it be?"

"I think most people would refer to that as an existential debate, rather than 'talking'."

"Neither of us are 'most people'", he pointed out.

Kaiba rolled his eyes, but there was a spring in his step that hadn't been there before. "Are you done now?"

Atem planted his hands on his sides, cocked his chin up, and said in the best impression he could muster of Kaiba's mocking tone, "I take it you want to duel, Kaiba."

The man in question glanced at him from the corner of his eye, but kept walking. "I certainly didn't come here to ask you to dance."

Atem laughed, a little bit hysterical, a little bit breathless. Kaiba could be so odd at times, and he hadn't thought it was something he'd ever miss. He'd been wrong, apparently. "Good, I'd suck at it anyway."

Atem swore he saw Kaiba smile at those words. Not a forced-polite one, nor a manic grin or condescending smirk. A genuine _smile_. "Are we going to duel now or not? I don't have all day." Of course, he ruined it as soon as he opened his mouth again. Still, Atem was grateful that he didn't require speech immediately after seeing that.

"I'll duel you, only if I get a proper goodbye this time," he shot back. "No storming off."

"Sure," Kaiba agreed, "But don't let it get to your head."

"I won't, promise."

This was probably going to end horribly, one way or another. He couldn't bring himself to care right now. Kaiba had passed him his spare Duel Disk again and started setting up his own. Atem made a mental note to go speak to Mahad. He could use some help here.  

"Ready?"

Later. He'd go ask for advice later.

For now, he had a duel to win.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I still avoid writing any actual duels, but can you blame me? They're not the focus here anyway.
> 
> & Here's some mood music [ [Katelyn Tarver - You Don't Know] ](https://youtu.be/7a28XA9osvE)

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr, for all your screaming-about-ygo needs: [ [evexe-n] ](https://evexe-n.tumblr.com)


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